Steps

I am excited to share that the first, unofficial, production team meeting was held last night. A couple finally took the first step and had a get-together. It's funny how life seems to get in the way. We have four kids and we are teetering on loosing our home. Our life is busy and hectic and full of things to worry about. Personal crisis is right around the corner for a lot of us and yet we still have our sights set on making a movie. We not only have our sights set on making a movie, it is what brings us to life. We start talking about it and our problems can be put aside. The most exciting part though...is watching God orchestrate it all. Its like watching him put a puzzle together. Different people with different trainings and passions and ambitions and experiences who can't do it on their own. Each person has tried the "right way" to get into Hollywood and has run into that wall that separates the insiders from the outsiders and unless you know the right insider, forget it.

Through this we are also experiencing that true security rests in knowing that my God will provide, and trusting that this is where we are supposed to be. God's will is not always a straight smooth path. We have hit our share of road blocks, pot holes, and tire-slashing nails in the road. If we are following God's will then why isn't it a lot easier? Sometimes it just takes blind faith to follow even when its hard.

Today, after church, I really wanted to know how the get-together went. I had gone to bed by the time David came home from the get-together Saturday night, he then opened on Sunday so I wouldn't see him until Sunday evening. I just couldn't wait until evening to find out how the get-together went. Well, he works right down the street from our church and I had sent him a text to see if he was going on his break soon so we could stop by and say hi, and maybe eat some lunch with him. I Then began driving toward the place in the road where I could either get on the freeway and go home or head to the OG. As we got closer I was telling my kids to pray for Dad to text back so we could come by or we were going to have to go home. We got closer, and closer, and closer to the freeway. No text. I had to make a decision and not seeing David wasn't really an option. At this point my kids were getting a little more excited that we might get to eat at Olive Garden. I told them we were just going to drive by and see how busy they were. They were busy but we parked and went in anyway. I told my 9 year old to keep watch for her dad to walk by while I took my toddler to the bathroom, who is still potty training by the way. When I came out, my 9 year old still hadn't seen her dad and so we left after telling the host, who was wondering why I had come in with my 4 kids and was loitering in the lobby without putting my name on the waiting list, that I was David's wife. My one last shot was letting my kids play in the grassy area right outside the restaurant. Maybe David would see us through the windows. I really wanted to know how the evening went. David came out seconds later and said he was about to take his break. We got to be with him, I was filled in on the previous night's event, and then headed home to get on with our day.

It may sound so trivial but God was showing me something through all of this. I was trying to rub the lamp to get God to answer a prayer the way I wanted. When I didn't get the obvious answer I was looking for, I stepped out on faith knowing I may have to wait until David got home that evening. I took the next step and didn't get the desired result. One final step and then that was it. It was then that I received what I wanted.

This group of people will be successful. They will walk the steps of faith even when the desired result is not reached the first, second, or third time because they have a goal and the determination, and God will bless them with a result that is beyond their expectations. I have no doubt!

"And you will know that I am the Lord..."

Fork in the Road

I'm a little frustrated right now. Everyday David gets closer to that General Manager position at Olive Garden which is so not the path we want to go down. I, personally, think it is time for him to start getting his production team into place, but I can't force him to do anything and shouldn't really push it right now considering he has to focus all of his attention and energies on Olive Garden this next week. I feel like we are at a fork in the road. Which path do we choose? The path that offers a sort of security that offers more money, allows us to get out of debt, or the path of the unknown, which is very insecure and may get us into more debt? If you know us, we have never taken the path of security. We are thrill seekers which is why we are pursuing the entertainment industry. But....forgive me if I have mentioned this before, we are in survival mode. Having an opportunity to maybe get a little relief seems so attractive.

I had mentioned in my previous blog how David will be working with some very smart and talented people when they make a movie/tv show. Just this week I found out some of those people are loosing hope and are very discouraged. They are considering packing up and giving up the dream after years of training and education. Like us, they can work their current jobs elsewhere, have a lower cost of living and be near family. They are miserable knowing God wants them here but wondering why God hasn't opened up any opportunities.

My husband is a leader and a teacher. He is so smart in so many ways and the human side of the story, Jesus turning the water to wine, came to mind. Here was this 30 year old carpenter who goes to a wedding with his family and the wedding runs out of wine. Now Jesus is as human as you and me...without the sinful nature. His mom turns to Him and asks for help. She knows her son and Jesus, our Jesus, says not now. I'm pretty sure He wasn't second guessing his abilities or who he was. I think He was thinking of his family and who was going to take care of them. I also think He was getting out of His comfort zone and He had the same butterflies as the rest of us. In my humble opinion, he was at a fork in the road. There was no turning back. Those of you who have studied theology are probably shaking your head at me right now. Now, my husband is not Jesus but there is comfort in knowing Jesus may have been slightly nervous when asked to perform his first miracle.

It is time! My husband needs to step out of his comfort zone and be the leader God created him to be in the profession God has not only chosen for David but is what David desires. Does that mean he walks away from Olive Garden? I did say my husband is smart. We are not Hollywood. Instead of trying to make it on our own, which is what we have been doing for the past three years, we need to start surviving together with others just like us, and moving forward toward making our dreams, well lets face it, bigger dreams.

Enemy Attack

We got a nice bit of confirmation that we are on the right path. David and I had quite an experience over the holidays. I'm not sure when it started but I began to get very insecure about David pursuing this independent production.

David having his MFA (Master of Fine Arts) and I only having a high school diploma, all of a sudden became a huge issue. I was afraid I was going to be left behind as he moved forward. As he further pursued making an independent film, he was going to meet, work with, and pursue putting a movie together with some very smart and talented people and I was going to have nothing to contribute. I viewed myself as an uneducated, untrained, inexperienced partner to David in this whole endeavor. I expressed my feelings to my husband and being the wonderful husband that he is, was willing to give up his dream so that we could pursue a family mission. We then had to find out what that was.

Our technique, if you will, is to pray together and ask God for something specific for one week. If we don't get an answer, then we know it is an answer of "no" or "wait." After a week of praying for a family mission, God was silent. We then spiraled into feelings of doubt and despair. We threw our hands in the air and said "I give up. Your will be done, we are done trying to figure it out." Now, we had no family mission, no desire to make a movie, didn't care what happened to our triplex. We were at the bottom...right where we needed to be.

Then, David gets an e-mail from his Dad who is also trying to follow a path God has laid for him which looks very much like the one David is on except the details are different. I don't remember what the e-mail said but that was when I realized that I was trying to have a career with David instead of supporting David in his career. I was afraid he was going to want to be at work more than at home. If I continued on the train of thought I was on, I was either going to make David's going to work more enjoyable and/or sabotage the production or even the writing of the movie. I wasn't taking hold of my role in God's plan for us. I need to be the wife and mother God has asked me to be. There is definitely going to be a place for me in this pursuit but they will not be out of bounds of my role as wife and mom. My role right now is supporting him every way I can in getting the script written and telling you all about our journey.

Realizing this was an attack from the enemy, it gave us confirmation we are doing God's will but it also drew us closer to the one we serve. I was able to release myself fully to the will of God knowing he is the only one in control and that his plan for us is perfect. David came away content with working and moving up in Olive Garden and writing a script, also knowing that God plan is perfect. So we move forward. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a toddler to potty train.