Enemy Attack

We got a nice bit of confirmation that we are on the right path. David and I had quite an experience over the holidays. I'm not sure when it started but I began to get very insecure about David pursuing this independent production.

David having his MFA (Master of Fine Arts) and I only having a high school diploma, all of a sudden became a huge issue. I was afraid I was going to be left behind as he moved forward. As he further pursued making an independent film, he was going to meet, work with, and pursue putting a movie together with some very smart and talented people and I was going to have nothing to contribute. I viewed myself as an uneducated, untrained, inexperienced partner to David in this whole endeavor. I expressed my feelings to my husband and being the wonderful husband that he is, was willing to give up his dream so that we could pursue a family mission. We then had to find out what that was.

Our technique, if you will, is to pray together and ask God for something specific for one week. If we don't get an answer, then we know it is an answer of "no" or "wait." After a week of praying for a family mission, God was silent. We then spiraled into feelings of doubt and despair. We threw our hands in the air and said "I give up. Your will be done, we are done trying to figure it out." Now, we had no family mission, no desire to make a movie, didn't care what happened to our triplex. We were at the bottom...right where we needed to be.

Then, David gets an e-mail from his Dad who is also trying to follow a path God has laid for him which looks very much like the one David is on except the details are different. I don't remember what the e-mail said but that was when I realized that I was trying to have a career with David instead of supporting David in his career. I was afraid he was going to want to be at work more than at home. If I continued on the train of thought I was on, I was either going to make David's going to work more enjoyable and/or sabotage the production or even the writing of the movie. I wasn't taking hold of my role in God's plan for us. I need to be the wife and mother God has asked me to be. There is definitely going to be a place for me in this pursuit but they will not be out of bounds of my role as wife and mom. My role right now is supporting him every way I can in getting the script written and telling you all about our journey.

Realizing this was an attack from the enemy, it gave us confirmation we are doing God's will but it also drew us closer to the one we serve. I was able to release myself fully to the will of God knowing he is the only one in control and that his plan for us is perfect. David came away content with working and moving up in Olive Garden and writing a script, also knowing that God plan is perfect. So we move forward. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a toddler to potty train.